A has been in remission for almost a year-and-a-half now. Many of our days are normal, although many are not. He’s still in treatment, so there are frequent doctor’s appointments but theoretically he has only one more big in-patient hospital stay. His hips hurt him badly everyday. Sometimes it’s a struggle for him to walk across the apartment. We can’t run together anymore and we had to quit our bowling team, but this is a side-effect. Some days we aren’t dealing with “The Disease.” But, it’s still there in the back of my head. I keep thinking about other couples I know of who were in remission about a year-and-a-half before it came back. Or two years. Or five years. Some nights get away from me. I feel guilty because I think that if I had stronger mental discipline, I wouldn’t be wandering down this mental road. Yet, like a bowl of ice cream or extra cup of coffee, sometimes I engage in it anyway.
Tonight is one of those nights. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve viewed this comic, on and off again, over the months. Sometimes the visualization of what you’re feeling can make you feel understood. At the same time, it’s overwhelming as well.