I should be at a networking event. I know it’s important to show up to events. Things happen at events. You form relationships with people by putting in the time. Plus, my absence is kinda conspicuous. But, I’d been fighting the event internally for awhile. Mid-day I already had a list of invalid excuses, including “I didn’t wear a suit today,” “I’m planning on making a complicated dinner,” “I had to go to the dentist earlier this week, so…” Finally I just stood up in my office and sighed.
I’m so tired of feeling guilty about things I should be doing. There’s always something I should be doing. Between checking my bloodsugar, budgeting, dealing my insurance, networking, planning my future, and socializing, my brain is constantly checking off lists of things I should be doing. So, I decided not to go and to take some time to myself this evening to just.do.nothing. I came home. I skipped my evening run. I left the dishes in the sink and didn’t preheat the oven. I have now been sitting at my desk staring out at the trees with a bag of Chex Mix and a beer for almost an entire hour. It is horribly amazing.